Okay, I’m old, crotchety, set in my ways, cynical as hell and, thank God, retired. If I were still working the streets I’d be on a supplemental performance plan for a really bad attitude. Why? Because I’m sick of every high level administrator having this unexplainable need to be published by PERF, IACP or some other semi-political, policy-shaping organization. It’s like salmon swimming upstream to spawn. They don’t know why they do it; they just do it. They turn really ugly in the process and die soon afterwards.

I’ve seen Community Oriented Policing, Neighborhood Policing, Problem Oriented Policing, the SARA Model and most of the other “flavor-of-the-day” delivery modalities of public safety services to the community and other stakeholders. I’m sorry — I just don’t need another term for doing police work. These admin academic weenies try to strip police work down to a few tasks and give it a new name. It’s like no one has ever thought of this stuff before.

Then, for the troops to follow come implementation plans of this revolutionary paradigm shift. And, woes betide the lieutenant, sergeant or officer who refuses to drink this flavorful batch of Kool Aid. These ne’er-do-wells are looked upon as department lepers — must be lazy, not team players or dinosaurs.

If we can’t beat ’em, let’s join ’em. To fit in with the new program crowd, American COP Magazine identified the need to come up with our own new program. We’ll call it the BAC program for Be A Cop.

Here’s the implementation program: Be A Cop.  Simple — isn’t it?

As a subset of BAC implementation you need to get in some semblance of physical shape. After the academy defensive tactics courses you’ll need some additional training as you’ve just been taught enough for you to get your ass thoroughly kicked on the streets. The academy stuff is good for the kinda non-compliant folks, but for the real dirtbags, parolees and others who would love nothing better than to do you harm, it’s not enough.

Learn how to shoot and shoot well. You should practice weekly as if your partner’s, the public you serve and your life depend on it — because it does. You owe it to them and your family.

Learn how to talk to people and more importantly, learn to listen. Don’t interrupt with another question. You’ll be surprised how much more info you’ll gain by keeping your mouth shut.

Learn your area of responsibility — your beat, service area or whatever your agency calls it. Meet the people on it. Most of them like cops and will provide a friendly, engaging cop with just about anything you want to know. Meet the dirtbags and be nice to them — at first. They too are wellsprings of information. Then, when they screw up — and they will — that’s when you hammer them.

Learn to make a plan. When there’s a particular problem on your beat, come up with a plan to combat it. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. You don’t need to arm SWAT with RPGs and have them fast rope out of stealth helicopters in the middle of the night to stop drivers from blowing the stop sign at an intersection with inordinately high number of injury collisions. Maybe parking an out-of-service cruiser close to the intersection could be enough.

Finally, when the shift is over and you’re walking in the door of your palatial mansion (we are so well paid) forget about the job. Be a dad, or a mom, or a little league coach, or a scoutmaster. Be something other than a cop on your days off. Then when you go back to work, remember to fully immerse yourself in our new program and Be A Cop.