Insider Ruminations

They’ve instituted a new policy for disciplining the troops ... you’re forced to wear a large pink armband with the cute Hello Kitty face and two hearts embroidered on it.

While I’m not one to usually sing the praises of administrators, I have to say the admin weenies in Thailand are a creative bunch of dudes. They’ve instituted a new policy for disciplining the troops. If you’re a Thai cop and you screw up you’re off the street for a few days and you have to work around the office with the admin weenies. If that’s not punishment enough, you’re forced to wear a large pink armband with the cute Hello Kitty face and two hearts embroidered on it.

“Guilty officers will be made to wear the armbands in the office for a few days, with instructions not to disclose their offenses. Let people guess what they have done” said Police Colonel Pongpat Chayapan.

This may end up catching on here in the states. I can’t imagine a more fitting punishment for parking in the captain’s designated spot, being five minutes late for line-up or forgetting to turn in your overtime slip in a timely manner than wearing that armband. Maybe Hello Kitty isn’t a viable insignia of wrongdoing here in the US. There’s probably a bevy of attorneys ready to send out cease and desist certified letters for copyright infringement. A likeness of Jane Fonda or Lorena Bobbit might be more fitting here — at least for the guys. And for errant female cops, maybe a likeness of Andrew Dice Clay, their first ex-husband or their future first ex-husband would make for a stomach turning experience.

It will of course be a meet and confer item for your officer’s association to deal with prior to putting it in your MOU. They might consider the Chief or City Manager as good candidates for the armbands — not to wear them but to be on them.

I’ve just about had it with the upcoming elections — and we still have a year to go. The whole thing has degenerated into a millionaire’s shit slinging process. I didn’t use the term “mud slinging” because that just seems to be a politically correct way of stating the real situation.

I’ve heard folks say compromise in politics is best. I kind of think it’s a way neither side will be happy and for sure the folks government serves — namely you and me — certainly won’t be happy or served in the end.

We have the democrats drumming up every thing they can think of to crap on the President and the republicans blocking everything the dems come up with whether it’s good for the nation or not — it’s just because the other side thought of it. It’s like a long road trip with the kids in the back seat constantly bickering and fighting. “Johnnie said I’m fat.” “Lisa said my feet stink.” “Teddy said I’m stupid.” “George said I’m a fat, philandering, east coast aristocracy, secular progressive, alcoholic, murdering, sorry excuse for a human.” You just want to turn around and slap them. We can’t even threaten them with the sure-fire, “If I have to pull this car over …” line.

Well maybe we can slap them in a way that won’t make the nice folks at Secret Service kick in your front door serving a no-knock. But, that means we have to get off our lazy butts and go vote. But we have to do it smart. We can’t just go vote the “party line” or for the candidates our officer’s associations say we should support. You need to educate yourself about the candidates and that doesn’t mean watch a few newscasts or read an article or two. It means looking at their previous voting record, learning about their reputation and character. You’re a cop — investigate their ass.

Please, use your head and approach voting with the same vigor and commitment you use to assure you come home in one piece after ever shift. Send the message most of us outside the beltway of DC truly believe their behavior is Toro Caca.

A Completely Subjective
Look At Things I Like

Otter Box

Okay, so I’m hard on cell phones. Over the years I’ve destroyed no less than four of them getting in and out of a police car, rolling around on the ground with a parolee, during scenario training and on the range. I wish I’d known about Otter Box then. At least it was good for a hearty laugh by the risk management folks when I submitted the reimbursement paperwork to the city. I so enjoyed providing them with entertainment.

Otter Box makes rugged cases for the most popular smart phones among other things. While they’re not waterproof, the are resistant to water, dust and strong enough to resist crushing and significant shock from dropping. What’s really cool is you don’t lose any of the functions. All the buttons on my Palm Treo 650 are accessible through the case and the keypad even transmits light from the phone for nighttime use. I can also charge the smart phone without removing it from the case.

They make cases for Blackberries, Palms, HP iPACs, iPODs PDAs, tablet PCs, GPS units, laptops, even for cigars and one that’s FAA/DOT approved to carry your Zippo in checked luggage.

For More Info: www.otterbox.com

MIL-TAC Knives And Tools

I came from an era of straight wood batons so when I was issued a plastic PR24 and received the training I was skeptical to say the least. It’s a great tool but like many other things, firearms, defensive tactics and emergency driving, you must practice to be sufficiently competent with it so it’s not taken away and placed somewhere you’d rather not have it placed. Give me a straight stick any day. We’ve used straight sticks all our lives — bats, a picket from the neighbor’s fence — you know whatever you could get your hands on to ward off the dragon, evil spirit, communist soldier or whatever you’d imagine as an opponent.

Northend Woodcrafters has taken the straight stick to a new level. They are works of art you can carry around to whack real opponents. Gene is on his third generation of design and this one’s just a joy to swing. The handle is wrapped tightly and stays gripped to your hand even when wet from rain, blood or a spilled mocha latte.

Batons can be ordered made from Ironwood, Ebony, Bird’s Eye Maple, Koa, Bolivian Rosewood, Purple Heart, Zebra Wood, African Paduke, Black Walnut, Cocobolo, Bacote or Zercote. All are masterpieces of woodcrafting. Frankly, I’d bet any parolee or other miscreant would be down right honored to have their femur shattered by one. You owe it to them to give them your very best.

For More Info: www.northendwoodcrafters.com

First published in the Nov/Dec 2007 issue of American COP.



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